I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
