His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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