and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
