And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
