dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
