I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
two words: eviction party
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
