While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
