her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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