i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
