Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
