And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
