North Korea, Best Korea!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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