Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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