If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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