Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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