last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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