let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
