I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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