Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
