As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
