just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize