they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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