first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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