It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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