we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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