Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
