I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize