the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
