i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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