Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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