Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
