check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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