I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
