hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
