can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
