Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
