i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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