the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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