chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
