Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
