There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
