i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
