They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
