Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
