fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
