There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
