I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize