whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
