Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
