I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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