I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have aggressive nipples.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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