Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
