It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
