I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
