Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
