my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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