Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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