and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
