it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
