we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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