How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
