Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
