every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize