Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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