I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
