When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
