Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
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