I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
