god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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