Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
