Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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