I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
