If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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