he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just pee around me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
