At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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