i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
