drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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