Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
