3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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