Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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