i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
