He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
