Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
