that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
