I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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