Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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