my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
